The jokes on you
by Onitsu Blackfeather
Summary: A horrifying accident resulting in the death of her family has flung Tanya, a 24 year old witch through the dimensions. She lands on the get-away car of an infamous Villain and has to now adapt to survive. Will she be able to make lemonaid from her lemon?
1. Jokes on you

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman nor anyone from the DC universe, they belong to their respectful owners.

The darkness was complete. The only sounds were of a revving engine and the whoosh of the pavement below her. Tanya groaned and tried to roll over only to have a jack poke her in the side.

Pain lanced through her body from that and she bit her lip to keep from screaming. She shifted again felt a rib move painfully. It had to be cracked. She settled down on her back and put her hand to her swelling side. Tanya took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. '_Okay, T. Think rationally, you must be in a car of some sort. Or more likely the trunk. You don't remember how the hell you got here. Or where here REALLY is. Well...fuck.'_

Tanya closed her eyes. "My spell went wrong...it had to have." She whispered in horror. God, how could she have been so stupid. After finding an old grimoire at a library sale she had decided to try out some of the spells. After months of preparation she had been able to obtain a demon consort. Well...demoness of sorts actually. Moirael was an...interesting conversation companion that was for sure, if a bit of a pervert. And Tanya hadn't minded that she had opened herself to possession. In fact she found it kind of neat. Especially since Moirael was one of those few demon types that would pop out to freak her friends just for laughs. She tried to open herself to her surroundings with the natural empathy she'd been born with but only felt two other people in the car. One felt like nervousness and anticipation as well as excitement and glee. While the other, well the other was a torrent of emotions. The most predominant was the giddiness. So much so that she smiled as well but the giddiness held an edge...of...darkness. It was just a feeling of _not rightness. _She couldn't quite place it.

The car hit a bump and she hissed in pain as her cracked rib shifted. '_Ohgodfuck! First thing's first. I'm gonna try to at least help the healing process for this rib.' _ She concentrated on the hand over where the most pain was at and slowed her breathing. She went through an old meditation to gather energies from ley lines near by and channeled it into her body. She concentrated on making the flesh, and the bone remember what it was like to be whole. To be unharmed and healthy. The pain surprisingly subsided exponentially and she dared opening her eyes and immediately they widened in shock. Her hand glowed a dim teal but winked out like a burnt out Christmas light as she lost her concentration. Usually that exercise only helped for making pain subside a little, but evidently it had done MUCH more then just that. "What the..." But her sentence was interrupted as she felt the car lurch to a stop. Quickly she closed her eyes again and let her body go limp, feigning unconsciousness.

Car doors opened and closed and she nearly froze as she heard voices coming close to the trunk opening. "Grab the girl Harl, I'll figure out something to do with her later. I doubt she's awake yet from the impact from the fall she took." That voice sounded...vaguely familiar but Tanya couldn't quite place it. "Aye aye Sir!" She heard a female voice respond. Tanya kept her breathing even, and kept her body limp as she felt cool air rush over her. "Okay. Up and at 'em!" She felt petite hands on her body trying to heft her out of the car. The voice had a Brooklyn accent to it. She groaned a little as she felt herself hefted into a fireman's carry. The rib had been repaired, for the most part, but there was still bruises. Soon enough she felt herself flopped down on a lumpy uncomfortable something. It was probably a couch cause she felt the back of it near one of her sides. She nearly panicked though when she felt her hands being tied in front of her and her feet tied together as well. "There we go. Nice and cozy." Gods, her voice sounded familiar as well. Where in the nine hells was she?!

After a good fifteen minutes of laying still, she could feel the circulation to her fingers beginning to decrease and finally had enough. The only sounds she had heard since being flopped down and left there was some rustling of clothing, a cackling laugh and the sounds of cartoons from a television. Tanya could smell something cooking as well. And it smelled like it was burning. Sighing softly she sat up and finally looked around. She had been right about what she'd been laying on. It was a couch. But dear god, it was UGLY. It was a nasty lime green with purple piping on it and it had a faintly musty smell to it. There was the faint scent of salt in the air and if she really listened she could hear a gull cawing in the distance.

She didn't have time to take anything else in when she heard a little squeak and looked over to see a cute athletically built, blue eyed, blond woman come into the room, she was clad in what looked like a tight t-shirt and painted on jeans. She walked over to Tanya and bent over.

"So, you're finally up. Man you're heavy ya know? I had to lug you in here all by myself."

Tanya smiled sheepishly. "I'm...sorry? I'm a bit out of shape so I've packed on few pounds." She pat her stomach with her bound hands then looked down at them. "Um...anyway you can at least untie my hands?"

The blond shook her head. "Nope, sorry. No can do. Not till Puddin' says so."

Tanya looked at her askance. "Puddin'? Wait...what's your name?"

The blond beamed, "Ya can call me Harley if ya want."

Tanya smiled back and extended her tied hands. "Tanya. So, tell me. Am I dreaming or did I wake up at a weirdly themed comic convention?"

Harley shook her hand but looked at her strangely. "Man, maybe you bumped your head harder then I thought." Harley then proceeded on trying to check Tanya's head by running her fingers through Tanya's short, burgandy highlighted dark brown hair. "Mmm...that feels pretty good. I had a headache coming on." Harley smelled like grease paint and perfume and Tanya almost purred at the feeling of her nearly massaging her scalp. Harley pulled back quickly and looked a bit uncomfortable. "Um...I'm gonna go get Mr. J. Eh ... heh. Sit tight." Harley got up and ran out while yelling. "Mr. J! She's awake!"


	2. Send in the clowns

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, though if I did I'd make him my slave...same with the Joker. I dig the green hair lol.

Tanya sat with her head on the back of the couch and eyes closed, she was opening her empathy again. _Curiosity, amusement, malice, glee._ Tanya opened her eyes and her breath caught. Walking towards her was a tall man, or at least tall to her. He had to be at least 6'3", with her being only 5' flat he towered over her. But it wasn't his height that had made her freeze, no, it was the deep purple suit that led up to the orange vest, and green cravat. That also led up to bone white skin, strong jaw and a wide, crimson lipped; ear to ear grin. Intense forest green eyes peered at her from thick shapely brows and it was all topped off with a head of dark, hunter green hair. "Holy shit." She breathed. "I'm about to be accosted by a walking wet dream." He faltered in his step and stared at her. He almost gaped but quickly burst in a fit of laughter. "Oh, Ha, you're rich. Hee, wow Harl, we got a novel one here." Harley glared at her from over his shoulder and took his arm in hers. "Yeah _puddin'_ she's Reeeaal unique."

Tanya held her tied hands up defensively. "Heeey. I know Harley hun. Looky but don't touchy." Tanya then looked at her hands. "Um...heh. Do ya think I could have my hands untied please? My ribs are pretty banged up and I need to survey the damage." She tried to look as if she was very uncomfortable and shifted in her seat. She bat her eyes at the tall purple suited man. "Pleeease? With honey and sugar and a cyanide pie on top?" He gave a short laugh and nodded. "Harley, untie her." The blond, still glaring went over and started undoing the knot that kept her hands bound. "He's mine." she whispered to Tanya. She smiled softly at Harley, "I know. It's ok , I won't try anything." _'Yet.' _came the thought a split second later.

When the ropes were off Tanya flexed her fingers a bit to get the circulation flowing again. "Much better, thanks Harl. And thank you too, uh...Mr. J?" She glanced up at the couple and smiled. "Excuse me. First things first." She hiked up her black sleeveless, feux collar spandex shirt and inspected her side. Purple, green and yellow bruises mottled the flesh and she nearly winced at the sight. "Now pay attention kiddies, I'm only gonna do this once." She muttered Tanya only glanced up for a second when she heard Mr. J chuckle a bit as she slowed her breathing and recreated what she did in the trunk of the car. Only this time she kept her eyes open and focused on her hands and the bruises. Slowly but surely her hands glowed the same teal color and the bruises started to fade. She slowly muttered to herself though, soft enough that the words couldn't be made out. "Lady of creation bless this your humble child, let this body ne'er be hampered by the toxins of this world. Let me be immune to all disease and poison that may come my way. This I Pray you." She wasn't stupid, she knew exactly what her new purple clad friend's usual method of killing people was. And she wasn't going to take the chance of getting gassed. Her hands flashed a brilliant red for a moment and she felt a tingling rush run through her body. She blinked at the flash of red, a bit surprised. She hadn't expected that to really work, but hey, if she could heal like this with her Craft. Why wouldn't this work too?

The bruises were gone, and she had confidence that her ward against poisons would hold. Sighing she looked up at the couple and gave a sweet grin. "There, all better. Much more effective then a band-aid don't 'cha think?" Mr. J clapped slowly. "Wow, what a light show. That was pretty neat. Can you do that on any wound? Or does it only work on bruises? heh" Tanya scratched the back of her head. "Well...to tell the truth I could probably mend anything. My rib had been broken and I had healed it while in the trunk of your car." she was smiling sheepishly and slightly laughing. Harley looked a little ticked. "Wait! You mean you could have just WALKED in here with me but you played dummy and made me carry you? Grrr!" Harley was advancing on Tanya with her fingers curved into claws. She was ready to strangle the new girl and Tanya didn't have to use her empathy to know the Blond was furious. "Heeey Harley. Ease up. I didn't mean any harm by it. Uh...Mr...J? Mister Joker sir can you call off your Henchwench please?" She was scooting away from the advancing woman as much as she could on the couch.

"Hmm, you already know who I am eh? It seems my reputation precedes me, again. HEH! Harley?" The blond turned to her green haired companion.

"Yes puddin'?"

"DOWN!"

The other woman ducked out of reflex and she made a soft 'eep!' sound. "Yes puddin'."

Harley backed off and Tanya gave a breath of relief. "Thanks." He grinned at her and flopped down next to her. "Well, I saved your biscuits now why don't you tell me who you are and...WHY THE HELL YOU FELL ON MY CAR!!" He loomed over her and she almost wished it was Harley so close by again. "Um...well...I don't know! I don't even know how I got here, You're not even suppose to exist!" He blinked, his anger forgotten. "Eeexcuse me? Come again?"

Tanya took a deep breath and tried to center herself. '_Moirael I could really use some help here!'_

Inside her mind she could feel her demoness stir. _** 'Yes mistress, what do you require of me? Oooh who's the HUNK!?'**_

Tanya resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _'It's THE Joker. Look, I'll explain later just...' _She was interrupted by Moirael's voice. _**'Say no more, I know what to do with someone as unstable as he is near by. I'll calm the area. His emotional torrent is yummy. It's just a good thing for you that I'm not your run of the mill succubus girly.' **_

As soon as Moirael had finished Tanya felt a rush of calmness wash over her. She smiled serenely at the Joker. "I said, you aren't suppose to exist. It seems that I have been thrown into another universe. Where I'm from, you are merely a comic book character. Possibly one of the most interesting and amusing and damn funniest villain in the galaxy. But a comic book character none the less. My name's Tanya by the way." He sat back from her. A look of confusion on his face, she figured he was fighting the aura of calm she was eluding. Or at least trying. Finally he shrugged and smiled at her. It wasn't his usual manacle grin. It seemed softer, somehow.

Harley looked between the two, she was also quite confused but pretty relieved that the Joker hadn't killed Tanya quite yet. Tanya tucked her feet underneath her. "Finding it a little hard to accept Mr. Joker?" He waved a hand at her, he was sitting back on the couch looking quite relaxed. "Sure sure, you're from another dimension. Well I have heard of stranger things happening." Tanya smiled but it quickly fell as she saw smoke starting to billow in from a far off doorway. "Um...Harley? Whatever you're cooking its burning!" The blond looked over at the smoky doorway and cursed. "SHIT!!" She sprinted for the door and Tanya started laughing. "That...her reaction was just too cute! Hahaha" The Joker joined in with her. He obviously agreed and Tanya struggled to calm herself down. "She probably charcoaled your dinner you know." Joker shrugged. "Yeah, she's no Emril Lagasi THAT'S for sure."

Tanya grinned again. "Thanks for not killing me right out." The Joker waved a hand in the air. "Eh, I figured could always off you later. Right now you've been pretty amusing."

Harley walked in covered in soot and looking rather shamefaced. "Um...puddin'? Can we just order out for pizza?" Tanya took one look at her and collapsed in a fit of giggles. "Oh gods! Okay, okay can't breathe. Whoo!" She was still giggling and the Joker was looking at her with a lopsided smile. "My, my, it looks as if I wont have to gas you myself. All we'd have to do is get Harley to look ridiculous and you'd do all the work for me." Tanya grinned at him, "Funny. Hey let me untie my feet I'll go in and cook. I can guarantee that I'm a hell of a lot better then she is. It's the least I can do for you for letting me live and all." The Joker rubbed his chin in thought then shrugged, "What the heck. Why not?" Tanya smiled appreciatively and began undoing the knots binding her feet. Soon she was up and about and turned to the Joker extending a hand.

A.N. I have some of these chapters already written out but I'm trying to be slow in releasing them cause real life gets in the way sometimes and I need breathing space. Please let me know what you think of this? Yeah I know she seems kinda mary-sueish but I'm tryin my best to not make her as such. Flames will be only used to feed hells fire. So dont bother, but constructive criticism is appreciated.


	3. Psychobabble

Disclaimer: Dont own em. DC does.

Preliminaries are over so on with the show!

"Lead the way Mister J." He gave a short laugh and took her hand. She pulled him to his feet and his grip shifted to her wrist as he nearly dragged her towards what she figured was the kitchen. "Well here you go." He nearly shoved her in front of him and she surveyed the area. A fridge, a smoking pot of burnt; something, on a free range stove top, a coffee machine, a microwave and a few scattered pots and pans. Taking a deep breath she got to looking at her arsenal. As she scoped everything out she started to sing to herself quietly. She was in her element and cooking let her narrow her world down to just her, and the task of preparing the food. She sang softly to herself as she busied around the kitchen.

"**He scares easily  
It makes him so... angry  
At me**

**And his head it spins around  
Just like the exorcist and I  
Find it ever so  
Hard to resist his cries**

**But there's nothing more sadistic than an infant  
Waving his pistol in my face  
He wants me right down on my knees  
Crumbling in disgrace**

**But he underestimates my mind  
I know he's messing with my head  
My only weakness is  
I can't believe the guy could be entirely dead**

_**You can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being  
Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being  
Trigger Happy Jack you're gonna blow  
But I'm gonna get off before you go  
My Trigger Happy Jack is just a drive by  
A Go-Go**_

**And after a while he calms down  
And he looks at me like a prince  
But I know I better bite the bullet  
'Cause it's just another one of his  
Jedi mind tricks**

**Well this ain't no head trip honey  
This is a collision on the road  
And you've got me feeling oh just like a roadkill  
But you know deep down I know**

_**You can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being  
Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being  
Trigger Happy Jack you're gonna blow  
But I'm gonna get off before you go  
My Trigger Happy Jack is just a drive by  
A Go-Go**_

**Why do you make me feel like this?  
Why do you gotta be such a dick?  
(I feel like shit)  
Go-Go**

**And I hate myself  
Just enough to want him  
And I hate him just enough to get off**

**But I understand him  
Maybe I'm just crazy enough  
To love him  
Why not?  
Why not **

**You can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being  
You can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being"**

There was unspoiled ground beef in the fridge, as well as a few vegetables. There was a bag of tater tots in the freezer and a few miscellaneous cans of vegetables and soup in the cupboards. _"Okay. Let's see Hmm. I got it! They don't have much but I can make something palatable at least."_ She pulled out the tater tots and the ground beef, and washed her hands. They didn't have much in the way of spices except for salt and pepper but it would do to season the meat well enough. The Joker watched her work as she busied around the small kitchen, preheating the oven, scrubbing the pan she needed for the meat. She beamed when she found a glass casserole dish in the cupboards. Her grin went wider when she found a hunk of cheese in the crisper of the fridge. Soon enough the beef was browned, and she popped a can of Cream of Mushroom soup into the meat and mixed it up, which followed with a can of green beans. She plopped the mixture into the casserole dish and covered the top with tater tots and popped it into the oven. She set a timer on the microwave for 20 minutes and then leaned on the counter top after washing her hands. She had finished her song while setting the timer and turned to crack her knuckles and start crumbling the cheese with a butcher knife she found.

"It isn't much, but it'll taste good." She gazed over at him and smirked at the look he'd been giving her. "Yes? Do you have any questions?" He shook his head and gave a small chuckle. "You looked right at home there. Right in your element. Nice song by the way." She shrugged and smirked, "I like cooking. It's one of the few things I'm good at. I'm sure that you look just as 'at home' as I just did when you're busy in your lab making explosives, and poisons, and Joker Venom and the like."

He grinned and she was glad that she was still eluding a calming aura cause his smile was a little unnerving now. "So, you say you're from another dimension?"

She shrugged again. "Something like that." He came up behind her and put his hands on either side of her on the counter top trapping her, and leaned in real close. "Then you would know a lot of secrets. Things that would make my life a little easier and give me the real upper hand against my enemies." Her eyes widened as she felt his breath on the shell of her ear. He wasn't called a criminal genius for no reason.

She shook her head. "Forget it. If I blabbed about everything I knew it'd take away a lot of the fun. And anyway. You'll find out eventually what you want to know. Tell me, does the dear caped crusader have a teen aged boy for his Robin or is it a little kid?" Joker stood up and looked like he was thinking. "I'd say the bird-boy's about seventeen." She nodded. "Well he's probably close to telling the bats to go take a flying leap without a grappling hook soon here. After that he'll get a little kid. Well if you can endure long enough, you'll learn all you want." She was trying to be vague and hoped he wouldn't push, but this was THE Joker. He'd push as far as he wanted as long as he wanted information.

She tried to shrink away from him as much as she could but he merely leaned in closer until his chest was pressed into her back and his gloved right hand came around her which was holding the knife. His head was just over her left shoulder and she held her breath. "I could MAKE you tell me. I know just how to break a person. And with that little ability you demonstrated I know you could heal yourself." He swept the cheese aside and took her other hand in his own. She swallowed hard and tried to bite back the fear that was starting to rise up in the back of her mind.

He lay her hand flat and spayed her fingers. "It has been a while since I'd flexed my torturing muscles." he said lowly as he caressed the back of her petite hand. His long elegant fingers moved gracefully as they traveled up her arm before resting on her shoulder. He placed the tip of the knife on the side of her thumb. She tried to move her hand away but he grabbed her wrist. "Move and it'll just go to your stomach." She gulped and held her hand still, trying not to flinch away from the blade. Soon he started moving the knife. In, out, in, out, in, out. She tried to keep from wincing, waiting for when he would plunge the knife into the back of her hand. She didn't try to fight him and she didn't whimper when she felt the blade nick her fingers.

She knew he was doing it on purpose. "If you're trying to hurt me it wont work all that well Joker. I'm a masochist, this is just foreplay to me." She was only slightly lying, she did like pain a little...but only to the extent of a little slap and tickle. Vanilla really wasn't her flavor. He paused with the blade between her pointer and middle finger. She didn't know what he might have done next but the alarm went off that the casserole was done heating. She quickly pushed him back a step and went to retrieve the food from the oven with a near by towel to protect her hands. Quickly she spread the crumbled cheese on top of the tater tots and then let the hot bubbling casserole sit to let the cheese melt a little.

"Dinner's basically ready." She said with a smile. She was trying to shrug off that he had really unnerved her. He was looking at her strangely before coming up close to her again. "I really should just kill you now and be done with it." He said it like it was a stray thought and she felt her breath hitch. "Um...eh heh. Well...enjoy your food. I'm going to just clean up." She went to take a step back away from him but his hand shot up to wrap around her throat.

His thumb rested over her larynx and she could feel him starting to apply pressure. "Please, don't. Don't kill me." She almost had to croak, the increasing pressure was making it hard to breath and he grinned wider at her. "Ah, so here is where the crying, and begging for your life comes in. How boring, it's all the same. I play with you all a little but when it really comes down to the line it ends the same, with begging, pleading and crying for your life." She shook her head, "No...just...not...good idea. T'kill me." the pressure of his hand around her throat paused and loosened a little. "Oh and why not? I see the fear in your eyes my dear. Fear, that wasn't there before. I want to make that fear go away, I'd love to see you smile. Grin even, all for me. I'd love to share with you the ultimate punchline to life. And that my little girly girly is death. I would like to see you smiling at me while I choke the life from your body. You should be honored. Not many of my victims get such intimate treatment." his other hand came up to caress her cheek with the knife. She knew then he was going to just carve the smile into her face.

She put a hand gently over his. "Jack...please don't do this." He paused. "What did you just call me?" She reached up and tucked a strand of green hair behind his ear and traced his jaw line. '_Moirael pour on the soothing calm. I'm gonna need it.' _She felt the affirmative from her demoness and knew it was taking an effect on him because his grip had loosened minutely. "Jack Conrad. I'm talking to you. That was your name wasn't it? Before you became the Joker. Before you had that really bad day?" Her fingers traveled tenderly over his throat to smooth over his silk cravat and orange undershirt. She let her hands stay splayed on his chest and let her chocolate gaze meet his intense forest green ones. "Not even Harley knows that name." His voice was soft and his lips were curved into a slightly less menacing smile then they were before while he was choking her. "Jack..." She let one hand come up to cup his cheek gently. _Calm, clear._ She hoped he would have a moment of sanity, even if it was highly unlikely.

A.N. The song in this chapter is "Can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being" By Poe. Its a fun song, check it out. And no, I'm not intending on this being a song fic but I really wanted to include it cause it reminded me of him and his more lecherous side.


	4. As normal as clowns can get

Disclaimer: Don't own em. DC does. If you think I do then you need to check into Arkham.

He let her throat loose but kept his hand around it. His other hand raked through her hair almost in a tender gesture before fisting a handful painfully and tilting her head upward . "Tell you what, I'll let you live, for now. But you have to do as I say. No matter what it is. The first moment of disobedience and you're dead. Understand?" She would have nodded but with him holding her like he was it was impossible. "Yes sir." She said softly. He leaned in and put a small kiss to her forehead before he pushed her away violently. "Good. Now serve me and Harl the food, then clean this mess up and when you're done meet me at the couch." She nodded and began finding a couple of plates for him and his girlfriend as well as utensils before dishing them both up neat little squares of the food. He watched her as she complied and when the food was dished up he led her to the table that they usually ate at. She set the food down. "Go get me a root beer. Harley will take some ice water." She nodded again "Yes sir." and scurried away to get the requested drinks. There were a few bottles of root beer in the fridge and some ice cubes in the freezer and she made up what he demanded before promptly returning. "Here you are sir." He had chosen her for the roll of a submissive servant. And she would comply for now. At least until she could find the opportunity to escape from him and maybe find the Dark Knight. As cool as it was to be shacked up with the 'Caliph of comedy' she really would like to go home. She knew who the B-man really was and was fully ready to use that to her advantage. "I'll go clean now sir. As you requested." She made a slight bow before hurrying away.

She knew that being in the kitchen she was out of his sight and grabbed several mouth fulls of the food she made. He'd never said she couldn't eat anything. So after she felt was enough to fill her up she got down to cleaning. She'd found rubber gloves and plenty of cleaning chemicals. It only took her a couple of hours before the entire kitchen was scrubbed top to bottom, dishes were done and it was all organized and spotless. Pine-sol permeated in the air and she ran her head underneath the industrial size faucet to cool off. She sighed as she wiped down the counters and cabinets. "Oh gods...Tanya what have you gotten yourself into?" She grumbled as she worked. She planned on being a good little submissive, at least for the time being. Moirael laughed in her head. _**"What do you think you're doing?" **_Tanya growled at the voice in her head. _'Shut it. I'm doing what needs to be done to stay alive. At least until I can get out of here and get to Dr. Fate.'_ Moirael scoffed in her mind. _**"Oh yeah, like HE'D pay any mind to you. HA! Laughable. Hmm, maybe being around the clown will come in handy. He **_**is**_** a homicidal maniac after all. Maybe he can get you to not be so squeemish. I mean when your husband..."**_ Tanya halted Moirael's line right there. _"SHUT IT! You will NOT speak of that." _

Moirael chuckled in her mind. _**"You have to face it some time." **_

Tanya nodded to herself. _'I know...just not right now. I couldn't...I can't..." _She could feel tears trailing down her cheeks. _**"Power comes at a price..."**_ was all Moirael whispered before she went silent. Tanya could only cry.

20 minutes went by before she could pull herself together to face Joker and his Hench-girl. She had worked up an appetite again and sneaked a bite or two again of the casserole before she wet her face and neck down, dried herself off with a paper towel as best as she could and went out to the couch. Joker was sitting at a desk nearby and Harley was watching the news. "I am finished in the kitchen sir." Her voice was soft, and almost depressed, she wiped her hands on her camouflage colored cargo pants in a finishing gesture. "Is there anything else you require of me?" he waved her away. "Go and do the laundry or something. Harley show her the facilities."

Harley looked up from her cartoon with a disgruntled gleam in her eye. "Aw, d'I have ta?" He glared at her. "Harley. NOW." She grumbled as she got to her feet. "Come on. This way Tanya." She showed her where the washer and dryer were at and there was a rather large load of laundry. "Detergents over here, Don't worry bout the suit jackets those have to be dry-cleaned and I'll take them out tomorrow." She nodded and proceeded I separating out the darks, lights, brights and whites. Lucky for her there were several washers and several dryers. It seemed that the warehouse they were at had industrial size everything. It didn't take her long before everything was washed, dried folded, and put on hangers ready to be put away. She had no idea where to take it so left it where it was. She walked back to the couch area as her watch beeped at her. It was three in the morning. The Joker and Harley were no where in sight and she sighed as she flopped down on the ugly lumpy couch. She was exhausted and was soon fast asleep.

Several months went by, she'd forgotten about escaping in all the hustle and bustle of playing 'house maid' to the Infamous Joker. The calming aura Moirael emitted while she was around him was on almost constantly. But she had found a downside to it. Moirael was not only leveling out his mania, but she was also feeding on his turmoiled emotions. The strain of her inner demon feeding like that began to reflect in the fact that Tanya was starting to show signs of sharing the same kind humor that he had.

She made the first hide out (and the others they'd had to jump to to allude capture) rather cozy. She followed the Jokers orders without question. No matter how bizarre they seemed. Several times she had to heal bullet wounds from some of his henchmen, and once a sprained ankle on Harley. And sometimes Joker would demand she give him a massage to work out the kinks in his shoulders and neck after a hard night of beating the tar our of someone with his bare hands, or a crow bar or with whatever had been handy when he'd run out of bullets. When she wasn't cleaning, cooking or mending broken bones she was working her body out. There was nothing else to do truthfully while 'the boss' was out on a heist. And after those months of hard labor her body had dropped several pounds. She'd weighed about 160lbs when she had first woke in the Joker's clutches. Now she was a shapely 135 and most of that was muscle. She would practice on the balance beam that Harley would use to work out on. Trying to raise her sense of balance, and agility. She picked a place to work on the scant knowledge of hand to hand she had as well as teaching through trial and error how to tumble and bounce around. She wasn't anywhere as good as Harley was but her legs had been strong before but were insanely strong and limber now. Her stomach had flattened out and she had used her healing ability to get rid of any stretch marks that appeared from the weight loss. She knew he had been doing a good job because Joker had allowed her to go clothes shopping with Harley in the first month. She had grabbed a couple pairs of comfortable pants, some sweats to sleep in, underwear, bra's and several loose fitting t-shirts. Each of the shirts had a sarcastic remark on it. Her favorite (and it seemed it was the Joker's as well because he busted up laughing and told her to wear it more often) had the saying "You call me a freak like it's a bad thing." her second favorite was "You can't spell slaughter without laughter." The last one she grabbed had a picture of Darth Vader chibi holding a tray of sweets looking adorable. It had the words. "Come to the darkside, we have candy!" She grabbed a couple leather mini skirts, fishnets, and a couple corset tops, one was black with a red spiderweb pattern, another was black with jade ribbons and paneling, the last was a pretty purple and black that showed off her cleavage nicely. She nearly stopped to drool when she spied a pair of black lace up leather and steel toed boots. They came nearly up to her knee and she begged Harley to let her get them. The blond shrugged. It wasn't like they were going to actually pay for any of the items. She found the right size and stuck them into her shopping bags. She found a pair of comfortable sneakers as well to work in and after robbing the registers they left the store more or less intact.

A/N. I actually own those shirts. Except for the Darth Vader one. But I couldn't resist putting them in. Ok ok my hubby owns them. I just rip them off and wear them heh heh heh.


	5. Get while the going's good

Disclaimer: Dont Own em, DC does!

I'd love to give a Shout out to Chaotic Jinx for all their wonderful reviews. You've been helping me out quite a bit with your criticism. And no, you weren't too harsh. Thank for all your kind words of encouragement. I know that its kinda sucky now. But I don't have a beta...pouts sorry.

Time passed and Tanya knew that things were going to come to a thunderhead soon. Moirael wouldnt be content with the bits and nibbles she'd been getting from the Joker. Sure he made a great snack from afar, but that was about it.

The day soon came and Tanya could feel the volcano that she'd been stoppering up, about to erupt.

Moirael was constantly whining, this is how she knew. _**'I'm BORED! I need to get out, spread my wings. I need to really feed dammit!!' **_ Tanya sighed as she finished up her chores for the day._'Well you CAN'T. I'm not quite ready to leave here yet.' _Moirael gave a sigh of exasperation in Tanya's mind. _**'Fine. But haven't you been using him long enough. I mean sheesh, are you going to wait til you're just as demented as he is?' **_ Tanya growled in her mind. _"Shut up. I've learned more about balistics and chemistry living the few months here with him then I did when I went to college." _Moirael grumbled and went quiet. Her demoness had given up a little too easy and that worried her quite a bit. But she tried to put those thoughts aside. Her boss would be back soon and she didn't want to push her luck. Supper was waiting and she set the table for her so called 'employer'.

The Joker came in with a cackle, he had just finished a rather successful heist and Harley was hefting a heavy bag full of money. "Honey, we're Hooooome!" His maniacal laughter rang through the hideout and Tanya approached him with a grin. "Supper is ready Mr. J." Tanya said. He clapped her over the shoulder "Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud! It was a GREAT night. The wind in my hair, Batman at my heels and we had a great haul! Come and join us tonight at the table." She looked up at him questioning but finally shrugged. "As you wish." He grinned wider and scooted her off to get a plate for herself and sit with him and Harley. She set her place and then began dishing up supper. It consisted of flaky warm biscuits, braised string beans, baked sweet potatoes, corn on the cob with steak cutlets. She had found out he liked his meat medium rare and Harley liked hers well done. The Joker had never said anything about Tanya making an extra portion for herself but as she put her own piece of meat on her plate he looked over at her. "Ah, well I suppose that even 'the help' needs to eat." She sat down and waited until the other two were done with the butter, salt and other condiments before asking for the butter for her biscuit and sweet potato. She ate one thing at a time starting with the beans and moving on until the meat was the last thing. The Joker had been watching her out of the corner of his eye and gave a short laugh. "My my, aren't we meticulous? Well I suppose that that explains why you'd been so efficient with the upkeep of my hideouts. Heh."

She nodded. "Yes sir. I have a slight touch of OCD when it comes to cleaning and well...eating." She cut a piece of her meat and blood dribbled onto her plate. It was RARE. She liked her meat to still moo. Harley had shoveled most of her food into her mouth fast as she could and finished quickly. The poor hench-wench had been starving and had sat back to watch the exchange between the still relatively new girl and her puddin'. "So, T. What's for dessert?" Tanya looked up at her from her plate and gave a large grin. "Something you'll both love. I hope." The Joker had finished his meal as well and Tanya took the last couple of bites of her small steak before standing to take their dishes. She retreated into the kitchen and after a quick clean of the plates she reset their spots and brought out a large warm gooey chocolate fudge cake. She followed up with a carton of vanilla ice cream and she nearly beamed as the Joker ran his finger up the side of the frosting and tasted it. His eyes closed as he savored the rich flavor of the chocolate truffle gnash. She dished him up a slice and a scoop of ice cream as well as Harley and herself.

"Well? Dig in." She motioned for Harley to take a bite. The blond took a bit of ice cream, and warm cake and stuffed it into her mouth. She nearly melted in her seat. "Oh...mmmmmm... This is gooood." She heard the Joker make a noise in agreement. She smiled, "Thank you, I call it 'chocolate orgasm cake'." And finally she took a bite of her own cake. They soon finished and she cleared the table again. As she put the left overs away and did the dishes the Joker came in to watch her work. "You out did yourself tonight Tanya." He nodded in appraisal. The look of epiphany spread across his features. "I know! Why don't you take the rest of the night off?" She beamed at him. "You mean it? Really??" He nodded "mmm-hmm." She squeaked happily and couldn't resist but give him a kiss on the cheek before running out to get showered and changed.

She had wanted to check out some of the clubs. A few days ago she had Google mapped and printed out some of the clubs and bars in the area. It had been fortunate that they'd been at a hideout with Internet and a decent computer. She had played her cards right and had stayed alive this long. Evidentially he trusted her enough to let her have the night off. She took a quick shower, dried off brushed her teeth, and stepped into a black lace thong, her black leather mini skirt that just covered the garters from her belt, thigh high fishnet stockings and the corset top she had intentionally bought a size too small. (She had been intending on losing the weight to fit into it. And since she lost the weight she intended to wear it.) She put on some black fingerless gloves and her boots. A quick stop at the bathroom and some hair gel so her longer pixie cut hair was in a cute mess of spikes parted on the right side so her bangs would fall over her left eye. She did some dark makeup, black powder around her eyes, dark green liner and mascara to bring out the brown of her eyes, pale base on her face arms and décolletage and the swell of her breasts to cover her naturally tanned skin. After she'd powdered herself down and the effect made her look translucent. She did her lips in black and let the lines at the corner of her mouth tilt up in what had been deemed 'The Crow' look among the Goth circles. She added the little lines at the top, bottom, and outer corner to her eyes. She had borrowed the makeup from Harley, she hoped the blond didn't mind. She rarely if ever wore makeup unless she was doing anything and she knew she would look like a totally different person. She felt different to, sexier, better dangerous. She could almost feel the dark chuckle threatening to bubble from her throat. Moirael was elated in this change of events. She'd been biding her time so patiently...she knew her time was close.

Finally Tanya walked out and heard a wolf whistle from one of Joker's goons. "Hey baby! Hot Damn!" She flashed them a sultry smile. "Thanks Rocko." Her voice was darker, more like velvet. Much because of Moirael's influence. She swayed past the goons and into the main room where Harley and the Joker were counting their money. "Thank you for the night off. Perhaps I'll go out for a bit." Joker looked up from his counting and froze. His jaw dropped as he beheld the usually drab looking woman all dressed up. Harley glanced up then back to her money but did a double take. "HOLY CRAP! You look...wow Tanya! You clean up well." Tanya spread her arms out. "Do you really think so?" She did a little twirl which made her skirt lift a little to show a peak of her garters holding her stockings up. The Joker stood up and walked around her. "Wowy! Who'd have thought you'd make such a cute clown. Where do you think you're headed off to?" She looked up at him and winked "Clubbing." His grin turned dark. "And what makes you think that I gave you permission to go out. I said you didn't have to work any more tonight. Not that you could leave. Were you planning on trying to escape?"

Her bottom lip went out in a sultry pout and her quirked in a small smile. "Now why would I want to do _that?_"She was in costume, she felt like a whole new person and was comfortable acting like one. Now she understood why Harley acted different when she was in her 'Harlequin' getup as opposed to her un-costumed blond bubbly self. She ignored his accusation and walked up to him letting her hips sway provocatively. Her entire countenance radiated sex. She was dark and serious, to Harley's light bubbliness. He might have been a psycho killer, he might be a real whack job but he was still a man and he looked surprised when he realized she had backed him up to the near by couch.

She gave his chest a tap and he fell back sitting, smoothly she straddled his lap and leaned in close. "Do you really think I look good Jack?" She whispered into his ear before giving it a nip. He nodded slightly, swallowing as his hand had slipped up her skirt to caress the lace garters. She ran her fingers through his hair and caressed his neck and concentrated on her hand to ignite the nerves to send tingles in their wake, "Please? Can't I just go out this once? I promise I'll be a good girl. I wont cause...too much trouble. And I'll come right back. Please say yes?" She said huskily just before giving him a kiss on the neck. He nodded again and she felt his hips buck slightly as she slid off his lap, her inner thigh having rubbed against something that had woken up. The thanked god that Harley used color stay makeup as sashayed away. "Thank you for the compliment. I should get going, I'm a woman on the loose and I have an itch I need to scratch." Moirael made a noise of elation as she disappeared through the door to the warehouse. While she had been so close to the Joker she had reached into his jacket and sniped his Electric Joy buzzer. It would do for some extra self defense, or as a toy for later. Depending on how the night went.


	6. Paint the town red!

Disclaimer: Dont Own em, DC does!

Much Love to Chaotic Jinx, In this chapter and the next to come it's gonna get a bit...gruesome. Sorry for the short chappie though. I'll try and get another one up by Monday. Or ON Monday depending on if I can get my muse to sling me some chaotic mayhem. Oh and we might be seeing the more sadistic side of our dear Caliph of Comedy soon to come.

She figured she'd skedaddle before he got his wits about him and tried to stop her from getting very far. Went into a side alley and began working her way out of the industrial area. _**"Let me out! I want OUT!" **_

Tanya shook her head. _"No, last time you were out you nearly killed my husband. You almost drained him dry!"_

Moirael laughed in her head. _**"You know he loved every single minute of it. But thats neither here nor there. I want out, It's not like you could really stop me you know. Maybe we'll go back and drain on the Clown." **_

Tanya stopped near the back door on a shabby looking apartment building. "_If I let you out, you'll probably attract Batman. I'm surprised that he hadn't already crashed into Joker's hideout and beat the crap out of all of us. We'd been pretty lucky so far. I really don't feel up to dealing with emo-cape-boy anytime soon." _

Moirael sighed in her head. _**"You ninny, don't you want to try and get home? Batman has the connections you need to do that. You KNOW this! Oh gods, don't tell me you've been falling for the CLOWN! I stopped myself from beating the pulp out of him several times just because I knew you would go balistic. But this is too much!" **_

Tanya felt her face burning_ "I'm NOT falling for him! I like him, he's brilliant. And he wasnt always a clown...he...he just had a bad day. But I'm NOT falling for him. And it's not like I have anything for me at home anyway..."_

Moirael started laughing hysterically.

"_**Oh man, that's just RICH! You fell for the FREAK and you're in denial and he already has a girl and she's just as deranged as he is. You're going down that road too. HA! Either way, like it or not I'm coming out. Now."**_

"I DIDN'T FALL FOR HIM!"She yelled.

The wind was knocked out of her an instant later and she felt herself lurch forward to her knees. She felt as if she'd been punched in the gut. Daintily curved horns sprouted from her head and they came to rest lightly by her cheek bones. Her eyes started glowing, the left a hellish red, the right a brilliant azure blue. Her teeth, which had not been the best of all in the first place, shifted and rearranged to become perfectly straight and her canines top and bottom elongated into dainty razor sharp points. He ears tapered into delicate points and she could feel the beginnings of a tail sprouting from her behind and she was thankful that her corset had a low back as long wings sprouted out of her shoulder blades. Her hair grew to her waist and starting at the root shifted colors, first from black as coal to gray to shades of red, gold, orange, azure and white. The color of flames. But soon it dulled to that of a smoldering black coal. Her skin was an ashen gray now, Moirael was out.

"Hello Gotham! Moirael has come to PLAY!" She laughed as she spread her wings and took to the skies. From above she'd be able to spot some good victims. This was going to be fun. Inside Moirael's head she heard Tanya, _'No! Don't kill anyone! Please?!' _ She shrugged that off. The girl had too many morals. She was hungry and it'd been a while since she'd gotten properly laid. "I wonder how Superman would taste..." she thought vaguely as she flew off into the night.

Moirael had landed only a few buildings away from the original warehouse the Joker had been using as a hideout. Even _she_ hadn't wanted to lose track of it, lest the information of being able to find it, and him again, be useful if she should need leverage later on to make Batman listen to her. She made her wings absorb back into her skin and turn into black tribal looking tattoos. To say it was a seedy looking area of town would have been an understatement, and Moirael smiled to herself. She moved her hands over her hair and fluffed it up to hide her pointed ears and arranged it to hide her horns. She tucked her tail up around her waist to look like a belt and after seeing herself in a dingy window she proceeded towards what looked like a biker club. She stepped towards the doors but stopped as a group of 3 men came out. Each looked completely sloshed and she grinned to herself. Especially when she felt the rise of lust from each one of them as they looked at her curvaceous body. "Well well well what have we here boys? A late night snack? Heh. Heh. Heh." His lecherous friends grinned evilly at her and she gave them innocent eyes. "Isn't this club 'The Crevasse'? I think I might be lost. It's pretty cold out here and I'm hopin' to get into somewhere warm." the middle man nudged his friends. "Oh we can help you find somewhere warm." The one that had spoken was a rather fat man, he had a scraggly beard and crooked yellowed teeth. Moirael could smell the tobacco and alcohol on his breath from the ten feet away that she stood from them. His friends didn't look much better. But the one on the right she could tell was mostly muscle, probably a hired goon.

They advanced on her and she pretended to struggle as the muscled one picked her up and threw her over his shoulder as if she weighed nothing. "No! Help!" she cried trying to make it seem authentic when the bearded grimy one came up behind her and cuffed her over her head. It didnt really hurt but Moirael pretended to be knocked out. She cracked an eye as they walked off and had to fight hard to not look harder as she caught a glimpse of purple in the shadows. He wouldnt...would he?


	7. The Thrill of the Kill

Disclaimer: Batman and all characters of the DC universe belong to DC. I own only my mary sue. And yeah, she's a sue lol But she's a sue I'm gonna have fun with! And there's nothing you can do to stop me MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAA!!

Now on with some gore! YAY GORE! Oh and that's Latin that Moirael's speaking in. And For those that're not sure how to pronounce her name. It's Moi-rai-el.

The Thrill of the kill:

The miscreants carried her off to a seedy motel and tossed her body onto a lumpy uncomfortable bed. The sound of curtains on the window sounded and she could hear the rustling of clothing. One grabbed her leg, spreading it a bit before putting a grimy hand on her crotch. She faked a groan and heard him chuckle. "Look the little sluts already getting wet for us!" the three men laughed as she opened her eyes. She sat up and bit her lower lip and looked at all three of them in turn.

"Ooh...is all that for me?" she said huskily and the three men grinned lasciviously at her. The last guy, whom had a face that looked like it had been intimate with other people's fists one too many times came up and placed his hands on her shoulders, straddling her and pinning her as well. He ran his fingers down her cheek gently. For his harsh appearance he at least wanted to make her a little comfortable. But his weight over her hips was making it nearly impossible to be as such. Moirael put her dainty fingers over his massive forearms. "Let me touch you?" she whispered for only him to hear. He moved his hands from her shoulders to the bed and she ran her fingers over his brow, cheek, neck and chest. She moved a hand through his hair and he closed his eyes and leaned in as she pulled him down. She fisted her hand in his hair over where his crown chakra would be and kissed his throat, all the while her other went over his back to where his root chakra would be, at the base of his tail bone. "_**Brevis hominis, tui libido id mei."**_ she growled against his throat as she sank her teeth into the tender flesh there. His hips bucked against her as he groaned in pleasure and rolled them over in the bed, she wracked his body with waves of ecstasy and his body spasmed from orgasm after orgasm. The energy of his lust, his emotions, his desire and release all drained into her hands as blood dribbled out of her mouth and onto the sheets below him. She didn't drink blood but her bite, having punctured skin would bleed and also helped along when she wished to feed from lust. Seeing that she could make it extremely pleasurable. Ol' ugly on top of her shuddered one last time with a gasp as she felt the last of his orgasms fade. She flashed his throat to heal the bite and wiped the blood away. He was barely alive.

The other two had already opened their fly's and were stroking themselves as they watched their buddy get his rocks off from just having her stroke his skin. "Damn girly, I'd never seen Bruno cum like that before. You must be one hell of a kisser." She rose off the foot of the bed and looked at the man who had spoken. It was the scraggly one. "I'm one great lay alright. Would you like to sample my kiss?" He licked his lips and nodded. She swayed towards him and she stroked her hand down his chest to his stiff penis before stroking it lightly. Her nails scraped softly along the under vein and he groaned as she pressed him against a shabby dresser. "C'mere." He leaned in as she put a hand over his heart and navel all the while she came up to his lips. Mere centimeters from his greasy lips she whispered. _**"Decumbo tui acerbus maxime timeo." **_She felt his heart begin to race and his insides churn as abject terror overcame his senses. She kissed him hard and swallowed his scream as his hands on her hips tightened painfully, pulling her nearer out of instinct for anything to hold to. His eyes were wide as his mind roiled and replayed the deepest darkest fears he'd ever experienced, only amplified by her magick. She drank his fear, his terror and helplessness through the chakra points she touched and soon enough she felt his body shudder and he leaned back against the wall lifelessly. His heart had gone into over drive and finally had stopped. This one was actually dead, his face contorted in one of absolute terror. She pulled away and turned towards the last guy.

He had had the chance to check his friend on the bed out and had noticed the blood. His eyes were wide with fear as she approached him. "Your turn big boy..." she growled huskily as she flashed her fangs at him in intimidation. He turned and tried for the door but she flicked a hand and the door stuck fast from slight telekinesis and he scrambled at the knob trying to get it open. "Scum like you make such easy prey. Seeing what looks like a helpless innocent girl and targeting her as 'easy pickings' only makes YOU more vulnerable to the REAL threats in this world." She slipped on the joy buzzer and had come up to him. He had pressed his back against the wall by the bed, trying to get as far away from her as possible. Her smile turned sinister as she spied the limp bit of flesh hanging from his open fly. "Aww...did you lose your rise? Here let me help you!" She grabbed it with the hand that didn't have the buzzer on it and channeled some magick into it. He groaned as the tingle of pleasure coursed through his loins. "Oh...god...no...please..." he groaned as his flaccid dick swelled to full proportions against his will. "Good boy. Now lets start my main course for the night, shall we?" She grabbed the fully erect dick with her buzzer clad hand and pinned his chest to the wall with her other. Her inhuman strength kept him there as his body spasmed from the waves of electricity that coursed through his body. The room was filled with bone chilling screams of agony. She relished in the sound of his shrieks "Such sweet suffering." She growled as she then raked her sharp nails up his chest, shredding his shirt and leaving trails of bloody gouges in his skin. He screamed again as she passed her hand over them, stimulating the nerve endings into fiery agony. She ignored the slamming against the door as she continued her torture of the last man whom had turned from predator to prey. She paused when the door had finally been kicked in and she saw the Joker standing in the doorway. She smiled at him as she turned back to her victim. "Hi Mr. J." She said dreamily, slightly high from the energies she'd consumed. "T...Tanya?" He stuttered "Is that you?" She nodded as he walked into the room and closed the door behind him. "I'll be with you in a minute. Kay?" She turned her attention fully on her captive again "Sorry to cut this short. Sugar." She put her hand over his heart and pushed. Her hand sunk into his chest as if the flesh just absorbed her, she felt around past his ribs and gave a slight 'aha!' of triumph. All the while the man was shrieking in agony as her hand wrapped around his heart. She squeezed slowly around his heart. She could feel the beating of the muscle fluttering against her hand. She groaned in pleasure as she watched his eyes fix upon hers. He could feel her hand around him, slowly killing him. Tears and snot ran down his face. "Please...please...please...don't kill me...god help me. Jesus Christ forgive me...Just don't kill me. Please I'll be good..." She rolled her eyes in the back of her head. "Say it again..." She groaned. "Plead for your life you worm! Beg me!" His body wracked with sobs. "PLEASE DONT KILL M..." His plea was cut short by the sickening crack and sucking sound of blood as she grabbed his heart and tore it from his chest. His eyes were wide, in his last moments of consciousness as he knew exactly what she had done. She held his heart before his fading eyes and crushed it in her palm.


End file.
